My dear boy,
How are you doing on all levels – spiritually, emotionally, physically, psychologically?
I know life has never felt fuller. You just turned 18, moved away from your home (though only a few hours away), started college and are experiencing life in brand new ways.
It is a lot.
There are adjustments you must make, things you have to accept and decisions, choices you now have to make that you never needed to before.
This is the process of life, the part that no matter how much I love you, or want to share this path with you, it’s your path and your path alone.
And so I implore you, to go to the center of your life- God and plant yourself firmly there.
It is he who will understand when I have no capacity to do so.
It is he who will protect you when my human hands are incapable of protecting you. It is he who will hold you when I am too far away to pull you close and tell you it’s all going to be okay.
You are a remarkable soul and such a gift to this world, most especially to me.
When I begged God to give me a child, I’d only hoped to become a mother. What I did not know then was that your birth would stretch me way beyond motherhood.
Because of the amazing gift you were, I quickly realized it was not going to be enough to simply be a mother.
I needed to be the best mother I could possibly be, and that meant I had to heal and learn and grow and break open and spill out and lose myself- the old self that would simply not do for the precious person that deserved so much more.
Because of you, I have fought and worked hard to become more, to push past my boundaries of fear, insecurity and mediocrity.
I still have a long way to go but for now for right here, all that I am, all that I have accomplished (including the book you wrote for me), all that I have become has been as a result of you.
God has used you to change me.
If I am an advocate for children today, it’s because my fierce love for you extends to all children who deserve to be protected in this world. If I am a warrior, it’s because I fought to stay alive so you wouldn’t have to grow up in a world without me.
If I have a growth mindset, it’s because I want to set an example for you that there’s nothing more powerful than pushing past our limitations to become the best versions of ourselves so we can leave the world a little bit better than we found it.
If I have become more playful and silly and child-like, it’s because through you, I have been given the great opportunity to be the child I never was, to experience a childhood I never had.
So there you have it my love- all that I am is because of you.
Thank you.
M, beloved of God remember this. You’re a unique brilliant man with a beautiful pure heart. You’re strong and determined and amazing in so many ways.
I love you, not just because you’re my son.
I love you because I respect the single-minded determination you possess to follow through your goals.
I love you because I admire the incredible wise diplomat who navigates this oftentimes complex and challenging world with a master’s touch.
I love you because I appreciate your generosity of spirit, which gives so much to others and in so many ways.
I love you not because you’re my son but because you are a person I would’ve loved to have in my life even if I were not your mother. You are that quality human.
Thank you for that heart of yours that has been so patient with me throughout my struggles to find myself and become more whole.
Thank you for being the best friend and companion these past best 18 years of my life. Thank you for the zillion unable things you’ve done for me.
Thank you most of all for giving me a reason to exist.
I am and will always be beyond grateful for the magic you are.
I love you beyond beyond.
Mama.